Do you ever make those big promises to God where your like “if you do this for me I will promise to do this for you” kind of vibes? I had made a covenant with God that I would answer when he calls and I never thought it would be like this. I found myself questioning “why am I here?” even though knowing that I was sent, I questioned the sender. I had been excited to answer the call, because my journey of being plateau for so long has now shifted. It was a mix of excitement, fear and anxiousness because I walked in blind.
I had moved from a desk job to a volunteer dean at a Boarding High School.
I think I had set myself up when I started making plans when God had already planned it all out.
I think I had set myself up when I started making plans when God had already planned it all out.
When I was called I thought “Oh yeah I see, he’s called me coz I have these skills” I’d be teaching songs, having bible studies, doing fun youth activities, using my skills that I had for this new role I was in but in the first week I was there all I did was listen, have conversation and pray – and I’m not
a prayer person! But with God’s humour he said otherwise.
I have been here for over a month and have not taught one song or had done anything I thought I would be doing, what I had assumed God called me to this place for I had done none of it. I did more listening, more holding spaces for conversations and praying.
Being here I had learnt to lean on God because in all honesty, I didn’t know what else to do.
In Proverbs 3:5 it mentions ‘lean not on your own understanding’ and I had never referred to a verse so much in my life! There are times in our lives where we ask “why?” because we don’t understand the reasoning behind the plans God has laid out. If I just lean on his understanding and trust he knows
what he’s doing - *sighs* the amount of stress I could’ve saved myself if I had just leant on him.
what he’s doing - *sighs* the amount of stress I could’ve saved myself if I had just leant on him.
But alas, in all honesty I found myself second guessing God calling me. I had answered the call, but started to think maybe this was a butt-dial? Maybe it was the wrong number? Or maybe my fear of not being in the know becomes overwhelming so I quickly try to opt myself out.
I admit, I’m nosey. I want to be in the know because I need to be prepared to face what happens next. But how am I going to learn to trust God fully, if I never fully lean on him. Walking in with nothing but faith is the season I am in now and currently an ongoing practice. I get tired, I get
exhausted, I get burnt out but I had cultivated this relationship with God where I know if I were to pray for strength, clarity, wisdom, patience, understanding, to mercy, to show grace, forgiveness – I am able to do what he’s called me to do. Again, I’m not a prayer person but answering this call had
made me, a person who hardly prays, call out to God all day – everyday. Because? I can’t lean on my own understanding in this place he has called me to. He will equip you for his calls – and no sis, its
not the wrong number.
Isaiah 12:2 “See, God has come to save me. I will trust in him and not be afraid. The Lord God is my
strength and my song; he has given me victory”
We will face obstacles, hardships and situations that will leave us speechless but when we lean on
him, we have assurance that he will deliver, because he’s the one who sent us. When God calls, he
funds it, equips it and sends it on its way, he will send people to remind you that he is with you even
when you feel like he’s not. I call it my ‘Joseph’ era! (Gen 39:2) “the Lord was with Joseph” it wont feel like he is sometimes, but he’s there. Its kind of like when you cry, you have tears in your eyes and you can’t really see what in front of you when you’re going through it. I pray that if you are in your
‘Joseph’ era or if you’re declining those calls – I pray for strength to get through your ‘joseph’ era
and courage to answer his calls.
exhausted, I get burnt out but I had cultivated this relationship with God where I know if I were to pray for strength, clarity, wisdom, patience, understanding, to mercy, to show grace, forgiveness – I am able to do what he’s called me to do. Again, I’m not a prayer person but answering this call had
made me, a person who hardly prays, call out to God all day – everyday. Because? I can’t lean on my own understanding in this place he has called me to. He will equip you for his calls – and no sis, its
not the wrong number.
Isaiah 12:2 “See, God has come to save me. I will trust in him and not be afraid. The Lord God is my
strength and my song; he has given me victory”
We will face obstacles, hardships and situations that will leave us speechless but when we lean on
him, we have assurance that he will deliver, because he’s the one who sent us. When God calls, he
funds it, equips it and sends it on its way, he will send people to remind you that he is with you even
when you feel like he’s not. I call it my ‘Joseph’ era! (Gen 39:2) “the Lord was with Joseph” it wont feel like he is sometimes, but he’s there. Its kind of like when you cry, you have tears in your eyes and you can’t really see what in front of you when you’re going through it. I pray that if you are in your
‘Joseph’ era or if you’re declining those calls – I pray for strength to get through your ‘joseph’ era
and courage to answer his calls.
Author - Alofa Tesese